If you have difficulty putting your own needs above those of others, you no doubt have issues with setting personal boundaries. Many of us struggle with this today. It seems more than ever before that people seem to be happy to let others pick up their slack or avoid taking responsibility for themselves and their actions.

What this means, to those of us who lack firm boundaries, is that we are the ones who take responsibility for others and pick up the slack. It is up to each of us to determine what we are comfortable doing in any relationship so that we stop feeling manipulated and can enjoy our lives.

Do You Need Stronger Personal Boundaries?

How do you know if you could use a shoring up of your boundaries?

Answer these questions to find out:

• Do you believe your happiness depends on others?
• Are you unable to say no, even when you want to?
• Do you feel responsible for other people’s feelings?
• Are you more concerned with what others think of you than what you think of yourself?
• Do you feel constantly drained by all you have to do?
• Do you always go only with what other people want instead of voicing your desires? Maybe because it’s simpler like that or because you are afraid of making someone angry?

If you recognize yourself in many of these questions, fear not! Next, we are going to discover how to set healthy personal boundaries and provide ways you can get started creating yours today.

Healthy Personal Boundaries

What is a healthy personal boundary? You deserve to choose to say no to taking on others’ responsibilities and choosing how you spend your time. Setting healthy personal boundaries isn’t about barricading yourself behind a wall, so you don’t get hurt, it’s about respecting yourself enough to admit what you want and demand it from others in your life.

Setting strong personal boundaries is an absolute must on your journey to making yourself a priority in your own life. Building healthy boundaries is one of the best ways you can put yourself and your needs first. They protect you from being taken advantage of, of being a doormat.

Personal boundaries also teach others how to treat you—with respect and care. Your boundaries should stay firm and clear, though you can choose in what situations to allow them to be flexible. They aid you in discovering your true self and making sure you live life on your terms. They develop your self-awareness and self-respect.

Steps to Setting Healthy Personal Boundaries

Now that you understand what boundaries are and you know yours should be stronger, let’s look at the steps to begin setting yours today. It’s important to realize and remember that setting boundaries is not a one-time deal. This process is learned, and everyone can do it!

Understand Yourself

The first thing you need to do is decide how you want to be treated by others.

One excellent way to begin this journey of self-discovery is to start a journal.

Clarify your Values

When we focus on other people’s needs and wants only, we stop spending time on ourselves to discover what we want and need. Now’s the time to change that!

You may want to clarify what you value in your life, what you want more of in your life, what are your deepest desires? Once you know what you desire and value in life, you’ll be able to use those to make decisions about how you spend your time and energy. Anything that doesn’t align with them will get an automatic, no thanks.

Choose Your Company

Just because you’ve always eaten lunch with a co-worker or been friends with someone for years doesn’t mean you have to continue. Now that you are more aware of what you want, it’s a great time to re-evaluate who you spend time with and who your friends are. Choose to enjoy time with people who respect your boundaries and who are positive and supportive.

Pause

When someone asks you to take care of something or attend a function, you should pause before you answer. Say you’ll have to check your calendar and get back to them. That will give you the time and space to decide if it’s something you genuinely want to take part in or not.

Accept the Process

Because making yourself a priority and putting boundaries in place is a process you must accept that you won’t always deal with situations correctly. There will be slip ups! Learn from each experience and keep going. Be kind to yourself and accept that all journeys have their ups and downs.

Feel into your Body

When a situation occurs, or you are asked to take on a new responsibility, check in with your body. How do you feel within yourself? Do you feel relaxed? Are you naturally smiling? Or, are your shoulders tight? Is your stomach queasy? Get to know how your emotions show up in your body.

Beware the Vampires

Now that you know you can use your body as a reaction gage begin noticing how it feels around different people. We all have to deal with the occasional energy vampire—a person who drains you of energy just by being around them. Using your body as your guide, notice who saps your energy and then find ways to weed them out of your life. You’ll be much happier without them.

Resist the Urge to Fix

Have you ever noticed how many people come to you to vent their frustration and anger or ask for advice or help? It will take some practice, but resist the urge to fix their lives for them. Instead, show compassion and empathy.

Embrace Flexibility

Just because you have set personal boundaries doesn’t mean you have to say a firm no to everything. Each situation is a bit different. You may find as time goes on you want to alter your boundaries. That’s perfectly normal. Your new motto should be “If it feels right, do it.”

Tips for Stating Your Boundaries

Creating and maintaining your limits is a process that will become easier the more you practice.

Don’t worry. We aren’t going to leave you to your own devices on how to go about standing up for yourself! You may be worried that putting boundaries in place will turn you into a selfish, harsh person. But trust us when we say that there are ways to do this that are kind and gentle. Below are some suggestions to stand up for yourself without feeling like a monster.

• Stating your boundaries isn’t a commentary. Don’t give into the feeling that you need to explain or defend your decision. The other person doesn’t have the right to judge or comment on your decision.
• If someone starts to beg or argue with you after you set a boundary, simply restate your original explanation and end the conversation. Be firm, but courteous.
• Use unassuming, direct language when standing your ground. Don’t give excuses or explain why you’ve come to this decision. You only need to state your answer or choice.
• If you have judgmental people in your life, start drawing attention to your needs by telling them that it’s not okay with you for them to criticize.
• Remember, pausing before agreeing to something is your new best friend.

If someone is offended or angered by your new boundaries, keep in mind that is their issue. When you start to stand your ground, they won’t like it. But don’t back down! Soon they’ll be someone else’s problem.