Relationships

Improve Your Relationships by Embracing Minimalism

Published on by Lyn Bailey

Improve Your Relationships by Embracing Minimalism

Minimalism is a movement not advocating for doing without and suffering. It’s more about keeping only the things around that you really need to reduce clutter – in your mind and your environment.

Minimalism benefits relationships in many ways. Besides freeing up time to be together because neither of you is chasing more stuff, minimalism and living a decluttered life are many ways to improve your relationships.

If you are ready to take your first step to minimising your life, then click HERE to access your  FREE checklist –Embracing Minimalism for a More Organized Life

Follow it and you will start to see immediate changes in your life and relationships.

1. You’ll have more time for the people you care about.

When you’re not held down by stuff, you can focus on the things that really matter, like your relationships. Spending more time with folks you care about will help to strengthen those bonds and make them even more special. Almost nothing can replace time as a relationship builderImprove Your Relationships by Embracing Minimalism

2.You’ll be less stressed.

Money issues often cause stress. If you have less stuff, you often have fewer money issues. When you’re not constantly worrying about your property, you’ll have more energy and headspace to focus on the essential things in life. This improves your relationships because when you can focus on the relationship, stress is reduced, and you’ll be more present and available for conversations and quality time.

3. You’ll be more mindful.

Mindfulness is about being present in the moment, which can be challenging to achieve when you’re bogged down by worrying about stuff. However, minimalism promotes mindfulness, as it encourages you to focus on the things most important to you – typically your relationships. Being more mindful in your relationships leads to more meaningful conversations and connections with the people in your life.

4. You’ll be more grateful.

Gratitude is another crucial aspect of mindfulness, and it’s something that can be difficult to cultivate when you’re surrounded by clutter. However, when you declutter your life and get rid of the things you don’t need, you will start to appreciate the things you do have. This includes the people in your life who are always there for you. Showing gratitude makes your relationships better and makes them even stronger.

5. You’ll be more authentic.

Many people put up walls because they’re afraid of being hurt or rejected. However, these walls can end up hurting your relationships because they’re not authentic. When you’re honest and authentic with the people in your life, you create more profound and meaningful connections with them. Minimalism allows you to be more authentic by freeing you from the things holding you back and homing in on what’s important – people, not things.

6. You’ll have more fun.

When you’re not weighed down by stuff, you’ll be able to enjoy activities and experiences with the people you love. This creates lasting memories with loved ones and deepens the bonds between you and those you care about.

Minimalism is enormously beneficial, but one of the best benefits is that it will improve your relationships. If you want to declutter your life of stuff and start fresh, consider adopting a minimalist lifestyle. You might be surprised by how much embracing a minimalistic lifestyle improves your relationships of all kinds.

If you are ready to take your first step to minimising your life, then click HERE to access your  FREE checklist –Embracing Minimalism for a More Organized Life

 

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Why It’s So Hard to Be Present

Published on by Lyn Bailey

Why It’s So Hard to Be Present

Being present can be difficult to achieve because doing so can trigger feelings of discomfort. The discomfort comes from thinking you must be completely within the present without slipping up.

 

When something does happen to shake your focus, it can make you feel like you’ve failed to achieve living in the now. However, being present isn’t something that has a success or failure scorecard. It’s simply learning how to pick up on the situations when you’re not practicing living in the moment and gently course correcting.

 

It can be hard to be in the present because you might get caught up in the mundane. There’s nothing peaceful about the stresses of life. When the dishwasher floods or the car breaks down, it can be easy to start daydreaming, rather than focusing on what’s currently going on in your life.

 

Living in the present is something that can take practice. It’s easy to fall back into bad habits. You can find yourself handling life the way you’ve always done. Your habits are your “go-to” response and your brain can automatically fall back into those thought processes.

 

When this happens and you realize that your mind and your reactions are opposite of living in the now, you can always hit reset. Just because you think you blew it doesn’t mean that you did.

 

Everyone will have times when they forget to focus, especially when life gets hectic. However, as soon as you’re aware that’s happening, you can pause and start fresh.

 

It can be hard to be present when you’re in the middle of something that’s stressing you out or making you angry or sad. This is totally normal. It’s common to have difficulty concentrating or focusing when you’re in the middle of a crisis.

 

 

That’s why you want to focus on learning to “live in the now” even if your life seems peaceful and calm at this moment. Then when difficult things happen, you’ll be able to maintain your peacefulness because you’ve spent time practicing.

 

Some people struggle to be present because they fear living in the moment means they’re going to be handing over control. Sometimes, it’s easier to think that if you worry about something or fret over it; you can prevent bad things from happening simply because you pre-worried.

 

However, living fully in the moment isn’t about giving up control. It’s about focusing your awareness so that you don’t waste valuable energy worrying about what has happened or what might happen. Instead, you’re experiencing fullness of life exactly where you are.

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12 Reasons to Live in the NOW!

Published on by Lyn Bailey

12 Reasons to Live in the Now

There are many reasons to live in the now. Doing so can improve every area of your life. You’ll live happier and in greater freedom from things that would normally weigh you down or hold you back. Here are the reasons why you need to live in the now…

Reason #1: You’ll feel better emotionally.

When you live in the now, your focus is on what you have, not what you lost, what was, or what will be. You won’t waste your precious hours dwelling on anything. You won’t live in discontentment and focus on what’s going to be.

You’ll simply be open to life as it’s happening to you. When you do this, you’ll find that your joy in life is magnified. You’ll smile more often and you won’t have that feeling that the world is sitting on your shoulders. You won’t feel like you’re burning the candle at both ends. Instead of just existing, you’ll be living life to the fullest.

Reason #2: Your mental energy won’t be wasted.

It can be exhausting having your thoughts jump through the hoops of “what if…” or “if only I had…” which in turn leads to physical fatigue. When you guide your thoughts to living in the now, you’ll discover that you don’t waste energy dwelling on things that don’t matter. You’ll gain freedom from pressure and worry.

Reason #3: Living in the now can rid your life of chaos.

You won’t find yourself reacting to things anxiously or fearfully. You’ll have a sense of peace and well-being even during the times that something is going wrong. You’ll feel this way because you’ll understand that living in the moment means that whatever is going on is current and doesn’t mean it’s always going to be that way. You’ll know that chaos is transient and doesn’t have the power to steal your peace of mind unless you give it control.

Reason #4: When you live in the now, it boosts your self-esteem.

You’ll have self-assurance and understand that you’re fully capable of handling your life. The way that you approach situations and others will change. You’ll be aware of your strength and wisdom and you’ll know that you’re prepared to deal with each thing as it arises.

Reason #5: Your understanding will increase.

 When you live in the now, you’ll have a deeper understanding of what’s right and which direction to go when you need to make a decision. Many decisions are made out of fear of what might happen in the future rather than weighing the truth of the options at hand.

Reason #6: Being present alters who you are.

You won’t be stressed out or worrying all the time. You’ll take things moment by moment. Your reactions will be formed out of living in what is. Because of this, you’ll discover that other people will be drawn to you. They will be drawn to your positivity, your calm outlook on life. They’ll see your peace. The people that are drawn to you will be ones that support you and give back rather than people that act as emotional drainers.

Reason #7: You’ll accept the forks in the road.

When change occurs, whether unexpected or planned, you’ll know that everything is going to work out. You won’t waste time or mental energy feeling like you didn’t get what you deserved.

You won’t go through life expecting things because you’ll be focused on what you have with a positive, thankful attitude. If something does go wrong, you’ll be able to take it in stride. It won’t shake your belief in yourself or in the goodness of your life.

Reason #8: You’ll stop trying to be perfect.

When you stop trying to orchestrate what happens to you or what unfolds in your life, you’ll realize that the now is what you have before you. You’ll stop being focused on planning your life to perfection.

When you live in the now, you won’t worry if something goes on that you didn’t plan. Every time life throws you a curveball, you’ll be able to accept it and still live happy, rather than getting caught up in what “should have” been.

Reason #9: Living in the now can add years to your life.

That’s because you don’t let stress ruin your life. You don’t allow the negatives and things you can’t control to become a roadblock. Stress tends crops up when you don’t focus on the moment. Perfectionism when planning the future is an example of this.

Many people want to erase bumps, roadblocks, and distractions from their goal planning because they want the perfect future. This strategy doesn’t allow for changes or failures. When it happens, they start to worry about what it means to their future and how they’re going to fix things.

When you start focusing on the future whether things have gone wrong or not, gently bring your thoughts back to the present. Being aware of the current moment keeps you from stressing on the moments that haven’t even happened.

Reason #10: Practicing living in the now because it gives you a positive outlook.

When you have a positive outlook, you have a stronger tendency to see life as good and you expect good. When you expect good, your emotions follow suit. Your thoughts can change the emotional landscape of your life.

Reason #11: Living in the now brings balance to your life.

You’ll discover that you can go through life trustfully knowing on a conscious level that what your life is as it should be. In addition, you’ll develop a faith that your present moment is exactly where you’re supposed to be.

When your life is in balance, it means that what’s important to you will be able to be center stage. You won’t miss the opportunities life gives you.

These opportunities may show up in hundreds of different ways. Such as paying full attention to the conversation of a child, picking up the nonverbal cues given to you by your partner or being in tune to your own needs or the needs of someone else

.Reason #12: You’ll stop using a subconscious script when you live in the now.

Too many people overanalyze their lives and waste their moments trying to decide what’s really going on. Living in the moment allows you take things and people at face value. You won’t second-guess their actions or motive

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How Living in the NOW Strengthens Your Relationships

Published on by Lyn Bailey

How Living in the Now Strengthens Your Relationships

 

 

Everyone wants to have healthy strong relationships but not many people know that living in the now is exactly how you develop those types of relationships. It’s all about what you choose to focus on in the relationship that makes all the difference in the world.

Being fully present lets you look at the foundation of your relationships and allows you to be nurturing rather than wasting time and effort trying to fix what you believe is wrong with the other person.

When you’re living in the now, you develop a deeper level of kindness and connection toward the other person.

than rehashing and reacting to what you perceive are flaws—or even what irritates you about the other person—living in the now lets you become accepting. When you accept other people as they are, they tend not to be as defensive. Their guard is lowered and true bonds can be formed.

You’ll be able to grow within the relationship. As a result, you can change the tone of the interactions you have with those you care about. When you live in the present, you have relationships where loving honesty are at the forefront. This allows the relationship to flourish. So if you’re ready to nurture your relationships, here’s what you can do to strengthen your bond today…

Practice paying attention.

When the other person is speaking, give them your full focus. When you multitask as someone is talking to you, it makes them feel like they’re not important enough for your full attention.

By giving half of your attention away when someone else needs you to be present, you’re robbing yourself and them of the full benefit and enjoyment of your relationship. However, when you pay attention, you’re living in the moment. This deepens the level of the relationship and allows you to feel closer to the other person.

Check your emotions by being in the present.

When you’re in the present, you’re not allowing the emotions from the past to interfere with your relationship. Constantly holding onto things that bothered you then allowing those things to remain in your thoughts or to come out during an argument can erode the relationship over time.

Your emotions become heightened when you carry past baggage into the present. You end up saying things that you may not truly mean. This happens because you’re not speaking with present emotions but with past ones. Checking your emotions allows you to break the circle of constantly fighting over the same things.

Teach yourself.

Use living in the moment to guide you on how to deal with relationships now. Look for self-teaching moments. This is when you stop and check in with yourself. Ask what the best way is to handle the situation. Look to see if you reacted emotionally and created friction rather than acted mindfully and created peace.

What checking yourself does is boost the strength of the relationship. You’re not busy looking at what the other person is doing. Instead, you’re focusing on what your responsibility is.

Being mindful enables you to control and manage your feelings and actions. It also means you don’t have to be in control of the outcome of the relationship. You’re free to let it evolve.

In the end, the only person you’re capable of changing or improving is yourself. When you focus on strengthening the relationship, it lets the other person “off the hook.” Taking off that pressure prompts others to feel better and react differently toward you.

Create the future you want.

When you behave mindfully in any relationship, it shapes how it will be in the future. Many people have hopes of loving, fulfilling, relationships but don’t realize that today’s behaviors and words create that. If you want love and peace, you have to plant and cultivate those seeds.

Let go of your expectations.

Living in the moment makes you let other people off the hook. People won’t follow the script that you have in your head. They won’t react as kindly or as romantically as you had hoped and sometimes, this can be painful.

When you keep your focus on the now, it lets you see past the surface of that person’s response. You’ll develop empathy and realize that the other person is under stress or they’re worried or something is going on that has absolutely nothing to do with you. Being mindful allows you to take a step back to see the truth.

Own up to what’s happening.

Living in the now helps you to deal with whatever issues are going on in a relationship rather than ducking it. Every relationship has flaws because humans have flaws. Some flaws can be so big that if not dealt with, it can wreck the relationship.

You can strengthen it by approaching the other person with your feelings now mindset. This helps you not to lay blame and use words that are guaranteed to make the other person defensive like “You always” which is accusatory.

Instead, living in the now will help you to address others calmly. You’ll be able to change the tone by saying, “Right now, I feel let down,” and that enables the conversation to start and the situation to be resolved.

Set your intention each day.

Let mindfulness make you more forgiving toward those in your life that you care about. When you get up each morning, think of two things that you can do to help the relationship grow closer. This might be two acts of kindness such as leaving a caring voicemail, writing a note or simply saying, “I love you and I’m on your side.” Your relationships take work. However, living in the now makes it easier to strengthen your bond and build the relationship you’ve always dreamed of.

 

 

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Guilt!

Published on by Lyn Bailey

The Most Overrated Emotion: Guilt

 

Guilt is an emotion people experience when they do something wrong (or think they did something wrong) whether they did it on purpose or not. Guilt is frequently an emotion people express when they fail at something or don’t accomplish something they worked hard toward. Guilt can be positive but more times than not, guilt is harmful and can be an overrated emotion.

 

Guilt is a Distraction

 

Guilt is more of a distraction than a useful emotion. Guilt distracts and detaches you from reality while you feel hopeless and sad about what you did. Instead, that time could be used to solve the actual problem or to forgive yourself or the person that may have caused that feeling in the first place.

 

Guilt is a distraction from the lesson to be learned. We often dwell on failing instead of why we experienced the failure, which distracts from learning from your mistakes. Instead, take the failure as a sign that you need to learn something. What did you miss? Discover it and realize it was a lesson, and eventually, you will overcome the obstacle if you don’t let guilt win first.

 

All Effort is Lost

 

Guilt makes you forget about all the effort you already put into it, which ultimately wastes even more of your time. Why did you also put in any effort if you were going to waste it by feeling guilty? Be proud of the hard work that you did even if you ultimately make a mistake or you didn’t succeed at a level that you thought you would.

 

Used for Control

 

Guilt is sometimes used to control large groups of people. Cults will use guilt to make their followers feel bad about themselves. Parents, teachers and bosses use it to get others to do what they want them to. Guilt is a potent tool to control you because your desire to want to feel better now relies on them.

 

Guilt is Unhealthy

 

The feeling of guilt is ultimately very unhealthy, both physically and mentally. It can cause high blood pressure, stress, and many other mental illnesses that can show up right on your body. This includes baggy eyes, weight gain, or even nausea and vomiting in severe cases.

 

Letting go of guilt will give you the freedom to learn and grow. Even when you make a mistake that doesn’t mean you are dumb or a bad person. The actions that you take next is what will determine that. Instead of dwelling on the mistakes you made, learn from them. Use that time to learn about yourself, so you avoid repeating the same actions. In time you will genuinely understand how useless and overrated guilt is.

 

So, next time you find yourself feeling guilty, as yourself “What can I do in this moment to change the way I feel?” Then take one small action in that direction.

Click here to Book a 1 hour Discovery Coaching Session to heal your guilt for just $77 NOW!
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5 Benefits of Self Care

Published on by Lyn Bailey

Top 5 Benefits Of Self-Care

Self-Care Isn’t Selfish – It’s Necessary

Contrary to what you may have heard, self-care isn’t selfish. It’s necessary. When you’ve got commitments, responsibilities and obligations pulling at you from all angles, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that you can’t afford the time or resources to care for yourself.

The fact of the matter is that you can’t afford not to.

Click Here to Join the FREE 5 Day CHOOSE YOU Challenge 

Here are five reasons why self-care should be at the very top of your list of priorities.

Top 5 Benefits Of Self-Care

1-    Improves Your Self-Esteem

First, engaging in regular self-care practices improves your self-esteem, both in obvious – and not so obvious – ways.

On the surface, sure if you take time to care for your physical body by exercising, eating well, maintaining proper hygiene, and having a beauty regimen you’ll look and feel great on the outside. But caring for your mental and emotional health improves your self-esteem from the inside, too.

A quick example is with a problem that so many people have in common – putting others first.

If you tend to say “yes” to others a little more often than you’d like, sacrifice some of your own needs to make others happy, or riddle yourself with guilt for saying “no”, caring for your emotional health by slowing down, considering what it is you really want and need, and making authentic choices on how to spend your time and money would benefit you.

While it may not seem like it on the surface, people-pleasing is a huge sign of low self-worth. Why do you feel like your wants and needs aren’t valid or important?

Journaling your true feeling, taking time before accepting or denying requests from others, and blocking off personal time in your calendar are just a few examples of simple self-care activities that can help you boost your self-esteem from the inside out.

2-    You Have More To Give To Others

Second, while you may assume taking time to care for yourself means less time and energy you can spend on others, the reverse is true.

If you happen to play a role in life where you care for others (for example a parent, work in healthcare or customer service, care for aging parents), it’s all too easy to spend all your time and energy attending to the needs of others.

But what about you?

Who takes care of you and makes sure that you are okay?

Have you ever heard that saying “you can’t pour from an empty cup”?

Chances are that nobody cares for you the way you care for others, so your cup is probably running low. You’ll have to care for yourself or risk total and complete burnout – at which point you’re no good for anyone.

Prioritizing your personal wellbeing is good for everyone. You’ll have so much more to give if you put yourself first at least some of the time.

Click Here to Join the FREE 5 Day CHOOSE YOU Challenge 

3-    Increased Productivity

Third, one of the most important self-care practices you can get started on right away is making sure you get enough sleep. The average adult requires 7 to 9 hours of sleep per night. Running on less than this has potential adverse effects that you may not have considered, such as weight gain, inflammation and poor mental health.

But, one of the strongest benefits of getting enough rest is a boost in concentration and productivity.

Imagine having a high-pressure meeting or presentation at work, or an important exam to take at school. Do you think you’d perform better if you stay up all night drinking coffee and cramming, or after a good night of rest?

The answer is obvious.

If you think you can’t get more sleep because your life is just too hectic and busy, start small! Start by setting a strict cutoff for when you’ll turn off your phone or laptop and go to bed. Then, try going to bed just ten minutes earlier for a while. Even if you don’t fall asleep right away, you’ll be training your body and mind to get into sleep mode.

Once you get used to that, you can slowly add more time. It really works!

4-    Get To Know Yourself Better

We humans are constantly changing, evolving and growing. And if you’re reading this right now, chances are personal growth is high on your list of priorities. So, it’s important to you.

Well, if you don’t regularly spend quality time with yourself, evaluating different aspects of your life, setting goals, tracking progress, and examining yourself, how do you stay familiar with who you are once you’ve changed?

Unless you intentionally work on this, you don’t.

It’s not possible to outgrow the perception you have of yourself unless you establish a self-care practice that supports self-understanding.

Some ideas for self-care that will help you explore who you are include journaling (specifically reviewing old journal entries to compare your progress over time), meditation, and pursuing hobbies that involve creativity (making art, writing literature, playing instruments).

5-    Healthy Management Of Emotions

Someone who doesn’t have a strong self-care regimen is highly likely to crumble under stress, anger or disappointment. This doesn’t have to be you.

Even the luckiest people on the planet have bad days. We lose loved ones, suffer broken hearts, don’t achieve goals we set out to conquer…

Without a solid self-care toolbox, it’s so easy to turn to unhealthy habits such as drinking to excess, seeking comfort by overindulging in food or shopping, or even becoming avoidant – neglecting our responsibilities completely. These only make bad situations even worse.

When you have great coping mechanisms for when you’re sad, angry, stressed or hurt, you’re able to deal with negative events in much healthier ways.

You’ll still feel the negative emotions – mind you – but you’ll be able to manage them. And that makes a world of difference in your overall life experience.

Click Here to Join the FREE 5 Day CHOOSE YOU Challenge 

Final Thoughts

While it may seem on the surface that you don’t have time or money to prioritize your personal wellbeing, that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Self-care doesn’t have to be expensive or time-consuming. In fact, you can find subtle ways to integrate it into your daily life so that you can experience all the peace, positivity and progress you deserve.

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Boundaries

Published on by Lyn Bailey

 

 

  • Setting Boundaries

  • If you have difficulty putting your own needs above those of others, you no doubt have issues with setting personal boundaries. Many of us struggle with this today. It seems more than ever before that people seem to be happy to let others pick up their slack or avoid taking responsibility for themselves and their actions.What this means, to those of us who lack firm boundaries, is that we are the ones who take responsibility for others and pick up the slack. It is up to each of us to determine what we are comfortable doing in any relationship so that we stop feeling manipulated and can enjoy our lives.

  • Do You Need Stronger Personal Boundaries?

  • How do you know if you could use a shoring up of your boundaries?
  • Answer these questions to find out:Do you believe your happiness depends on others?
    • Are you unable to say no, even when you want to?
    • Do you feel responsible for other people’s feelings?
    • Are you more concerned with what others think of you than what you think of yourself?
    • Do you feel constantly drained by all you have to do?
    • Do you always go only with what other people want instead of voicing your desires? Maybe because it’s simpler like that or because you are afraid of making someone angry?
  • If you recognize yourself in many of these questions, fear not! Next, we are going to discover how to set healthy personal boundaries and provide ways you can get started creating yours today.

  • Healthy Personal Boundaries

  • What is a healthy personal boundary? You deserve to choose to say no to taking on others’ responsibilities and choosing how you spend your time. Setting healthy personal boundaries isn’t about barricading yourself behind a wall, so you don’t get hurt, it’s about respecting yourself enough to admit what you want and demand it from others in your life.
  • Setting strong personal boundaries is an absolute must on your journey to making yourself a priority in your own life. Building healthy boundaries is one of the best ways you can put yourself and your needs first. They protect you from being taken advantage of, of being a doormat.
  • Personal boundaries also teach others how to treat you—with respect and care. Your boundaries should stay firm and clear, though you can choose in what situations to allow them to be flexible. They aid you in discovering your true self and making sure you live life on your terms. They develop your self-awareness and self-respect.

  • Steps to Setting Healthy Personal Boundaries

  • Now that you understand what boundaries are and you know yours should be stronger, let’s look at the steps to begin setting yours today. It’s important to realize and remember that setting boundaries is not a one-time deal. This process is learned, and everyone can do it!
  • Understand Yourself
  • The first thing you need to do is decide how you want to be treated by others. One excellent way to begin this journey of self-discovery is to start a journal.
  • Clarify your Values
  • When we focus on other people’s needs and wants only, we stop spending time on ourselves to discover what we want and need. Now’s the time to change that!
  • You may want to clarify what you value in your life, what you want more of in your life, what are your deepest desires? Once you know what you desire and value in life, you’ll be able to use those to make decisions about how you spend your time and energy. Anything that doesn’t align with them will get an automatic, no thanks.
  • Choose Your Company
  • Just because you’ve always eaten lunch with a co-worker or been friends with someone for years doesn’t mean you have to continue. Now that you are more aware of what you want, it’s a great time to re-evaluate who you spend time with and who your friends are. Choose to enjoy time with people who respect your boundaries and who are positive and supportive.
  • Pause
  • When someone asks you to take care of something or attend a function, you should pause before you answer. Say you’ll have to check your calendar and get back to them. That will give you the time and space to decide if it’s something you genuinely want to take part in or not.
  • Accept the Process
  • Because making yourself a priority and putting boundaries in place is a process you must accept that you won’t always deal with situations correctly. There will be slip ups! Learn from each experience and keep going. Be kind to yourself and accept that all journeys have their ups and downs.
  • Feel into your Body
  • When a situation occurs, or you are asked to take on a new responsibility, check in with your body. How do you feel within yourself? Do you feel relaxed? Are you naturally smiling? Or, are your shoulders tight? Is your stomach queasy? Get to know how your emotions show up in your body.
  •  Beware the Vampires
  • Now that you know you can use your body as a reaction gage begin noticing how it feels around different people. We all have to deal with the occasional energy vampire—a person who drains you of energy just by being around them. Using your body as your guide, notice who saps your energy and then find ways to weed them out of your life. You’ll be much happier without them.
  •  Resist the Urge to Fix
  • Have you ever noticed how many people come to you to vent their frustration and anger or ask for advice or help? It will take some practice, but resist the urge to fix their lives for them. Instead, show compassion and empathy.
  • Embrace Flexibility
  • Just because you have set personal boundaries doesn’t mean you have to say a firm no to everything. Each situation is a bit different. You may find as time goes on you want to alter your boundaries. That’s perfectly normal. Your new motto should be “If it feels right, do it.”

  • Tips for Stating Your Boundaries

  •  Creating and maintaining your limits is a process that will become easier the more you practice.
  • Don’t worry. We aren’t going to leave you to your own devices on how to go about standing up for yourself! You may be worried that putting boundaries in place will turn you into a selfish, harsh person. But trust us when we say that there are ways to do this that are kind and gentle. Below are some suggestions to stand up for yourself without feeling like a monster.Stating your boundaries isn’t a commentary. Don’t give into the feeling that you need to explain or defend your decision. The other person doesn’t have the right to judge or comment on your decision.
    • If someone starts to beg or argue with you after you set a boundary, simply restate your original explanation and end the conversation. Be firm, but courteous.
    • Use unassuming, direct language when standing your ground. Don’t give excuses or explain why you’ve come to this decision. You only need to state your answer or choice.
    • If you have judgmental people in your life, start drawing attention to your needs by telling them that it’s not okay with you for them to criticize.
    • Remember, pausing before agreeing to something is your new best friend.
    • If someone is offended or angered by your new boundaries, keep in mind that is their issue. When you start to stand your ground, they won’t like it. But don’t back down! Soon they’ll be someone else’s problem.
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Calm Racing Thoughts & Enjoy the Peace of the Present

Published on by Lyn Bailey

Calm Racing Thoughts & Enjoy the Peace of the Present

 

Living in the now is something that takes practice. You may struggle with being present because of racing thoughts.

People have this issue because of overthinking. There are common areas where people tend to overthink. One of these areas is money. A simple thought that you’d like to make more money can quickly turn into worrying that you may not have enough in the future. It could turn into worrying about what you’ll do if you lose your job or ability to work.

Relationships are another area where overthinking often happens. This is usually due to projecting. You don’t know what someone is thinking or feeling and it can make you second guess. You might think someone is feeling negatively toward you when they’re not even thinking about their relationship with you at all.

If you take a situation or a problem and you overthink it, you can spin it into a huge problem that seems overwhelming. Then you feel paralyzed and unable to take action. Now, racing thoughts keep you spinning your wheels and wasting time.

When you learn how to control your thoughts, you live fully present and acquire a feeling of power, as you realize what you can do. To calm racing thoughts and experience the peace of the present, you can take several steps in order to reach your goal.

First, remember to breathe. When you pause to breathe, it effectively lowers your heightened response as well as your stress. Focus on inhaling and exhaling and slowly count to three as you do so. You’ll instantly feel calmer.

Second, don’t look at situations that aren’t reality. Many people create worst-case scenarios in their mind. For example, if someone is late coming home, you might assume the worst—that your loved one was injured or in an accident. However, this thought doesn’t serve you. It only adds unnecessary stress and fear to your life.

If you realize that a thought is based only on anxiety, let it go. You might say, “I know Dave is running late. But I release my fear over it and choose to believe that everything will be fine.”

Next, don’t allow yourself to get caught up in the past either. Focus on the moment, rather than what used to be, or what could be. The only time that you have is right now. If you focus on the past, your thoughts will race about things that happened to you or how you could have done things differently.

You may also find it helpful to adopt a mantra. Having a word or phrase that you can turn to in order to refocus your attention can calm a racing mind. This could be something as simple as “Everything is fine” or “I walk in peace.”

Sometimes racing thoughts happen because you’re trying to hold on to important information. You fear what might happen if you forget to take care of something. To calm your racing thoughts, create a thought list.

Write down all the thoughts that are bothering you. Once they’re written down, you’ll discover that your thoughts are no longer racing. That’s because once you write something down, your brain believes it has dealt with the racing thoughts and will begin winding down.

You can also choose to do a calming activity when you’re struggling to be present. This might be something like playing a game, reading, writing, gardening, coloring, drawing, or listening to music. Calming activities stop racing thoughts because they change your focus from being immersed in anxiety or regret to actively doing something.

Exercise is another activity you can do that will calm racing thoughts. As you exercise, endorphins flood the body. This boosts your mood and can help you get fear or worry back under control. For the best results, choose a low-impact exercise that will calm you. For example, you might choose a slow walk around your neighborhood or a series of gentle yoga poses.

Change your sounds can also have a profound impact on bringing you into the present moment. Listen to the birds outside your window or put on some nature music. You could turn on a white noise machine or listen to instrumental music as well.

 

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How to Become More Resilient

Published on by Lyn Bailey

How to Become More Resiliant

The first way to become resilient is through mindfulness. It is refusing to see a problem as unending. When problems or negative situations occur in your life, don’t fall into the trap of believing that they’re going to last forever. This lets a hopeless mindset develop. See them as challenges, as opportunity to change. This opens up your mind to possibilities, endless possibilities.

When you have problems, they can sometimes interfere with your life plans or impede your goals. However, you shouldn’t give up and quit going after what you want. If you do that, you’re effectively saying that your problems are bigger than your ability to overcome them. Your fear of change will increase. See it as a challenge and you can move mountains, one step at a time.

Develop the mindset of “this is temporary.” List ways or action steps that you can take to overcome the situation. Next, embrace change. If there’s one guarantee in life, it’s that no two days are the same.

You might have to move from your home of 10 years because of a partner’s job change. Don’t feel disappointed about having to move house. Look at it as an opportunity to start something new and embrace the change. You never know what opportunities may open up for you.

The third way to become resilient is to refuse to sit still. When you want something in life or you have a dream, don’t allow inaction to take it from you. Every day, do something that takes you closer to achieving your goal.

If your goal is to own your own business, this might be something like signing up for a business class or writing out a business plan. If you want to get healthier, it could be something simple such as getting rid of the food in your house that causes you to binge eat.

The next thing you should do is make decisions sooner rather than later. Avoidance doesn’t solve issues and it doesn’t get you where you need to be. If there’s a relationship issue you need to handle, do it. If you’re interested in talking to someone, make a move and speak up.

While you’re making decisions, resolve to change your self-view. Many people think far less of themselves than they should. You downplay your accomplishments. You look at the negative things about yourself by thinking you’re too awkward, too big, or too small.

You don’t like the way you look, the way your voice sounds. However, by learning how to think of yours

elf in a positive way, you bolster not only your self-esteem but your belief that you can achieve whatever you set your mind to.

Finally, negative things happen, look for the positive. There’s always something good to find about everything that happens. However, the problem is that most people focus on the negative and then miss the good. That’s not to say that everything that comes into your life will feel good but it can work out for your good.

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How Living in the Now Strengthens Your Relationships

Published on by Lyn Bailey

How Living in the Now Strengthens Your Relationships

 

Everyone wants to have healthy strong relationships but not many people know that living in the now is exactly how you develop those types of relationships. It’s all about what you choose to focus on in the relationship that makes all the difference in the world.

Being fully present lets you look at the foundation of your relationships and allows you to be nurturing rather than wasting time and effort trying to fix what you believe is wrong with the other person. When you’re living in the now, you develop a deeper level of kindness and connection toward the other person.

Rather than rehashing and reacting to what you perceive are flaws—or even what irritates you about the other person—living in the now lets you become accepting. When you accept other people as they are, they tend not to be as defensive. Their guard is lowered and true bonds can be formed. You’ll be able to grow within the relationship. As a result, you can change the tone of the interactions you have with those you care about. When you live in the present, you have relationships where love and honesty are at the forefront. This allows the relationship to flourish. So if you’re ready to nurture your relationships, here’s what you can do to strengthen your bond today…

Practice paying attention.

When the other person is speaking, give them your full focus. When you multitask as someone is talking to you, it makes them feel like they’re not important enough for your full attention. By giving half of your attention away when someone else needs you to be present, you’re robbing yourself and them of the full benefit and enjoyment of your relationship. However, when you pay attention, you’re living in the moment. This deepens the level of the relationship and allows you to feel closer to the other person.

Check your emotions by being in the present.

When you’re in the present, you’re not allowing the emotions from the past to interfere with your relationship. Constantly holding onto things that bothered you then allowing those things to remain in your thoughts or to come out during an argument can erode the relationship over time. Your emotions become heightened when you carry past baggage into the present. You end up saying things that you may not truly mean. This happens because you’re not speaking with present emotions but with past ones. Checking your emotions allows you to break the circle of constantly fighting over the same things.

Teach yourself.

Use living in the moment to guide you on how to deal with relationships now. Look for self-teaching moments. This is when you stop and check in with yourself. Ask what the best way is to handle the situation. Look to see if you reacted emotionally and created friction rather than acted mindfully and created peace. What checking yourself does is boost the strength of the relationship. You’re not busy looking at what the other person is doing. Instead, you’re focusing on what your responsibility is. Being mindful enables you to control and manage your feelings and actions. It also means you don’t have to be in control of the outcome of the relationship. You’re free to let it evolve. In the end, the only person you’re capable of changing or improving is yourself. When you focus on strengthening the relationship, it lets the other person “off the hook.” Taking off that pressure prompts others to feel better and react differently toward you.

Create the future you want.

When you behave mindfully in any relationship, it shapes how it will be in the future. Many people have hopes of loving, fulfilling, relationships but don’t realize that today’s behaviors and words create that. If you want love and peace, you have to plant and cultivate those seeds.

Let go of your expectations.

Living in the moment makes you let other people off the hook. People won’t follow the script that you have in your head. They won’t react as kindly or as romantically as you had hoped and sometimes, this can be painful. When you keep your focus on the now, it lets you see past the surface of that person’s response. You’ll develop empathy and realize that the other person is under stress or they’re worried or something is going on that has absolutely nothing to do with you. Being mindful allows you to take a step back to see the truth.

Own up to what’s happening.

Living in the now helps you to deal with whatever issues are going on in a relationship rather than ducking it. Every relationship has flaws because humans have flaws. Some flaws can be so big that if not dealt with, it can wreck the relationship. You can strengthen it by approaching the other person with your feelings now. This helps you not to lay blame and use words that are guaranteed to make the other person defensive like “You always” which is accusatory. Instead, living in the now will help you to address other person calmly. You’ll be able to change the tone by saying, “Right now, I feel let down,” and that enables the conversation to start and the situation to be resolved.

Set your intention each day.

Let mindfulness make you more forgiving toward those in your life that you care about. When you get up each morning, think of two things that you can do to help the relationship grow closer. This might be two acts of kindness such as leaving a caring voicemail, writing a note or simply saying, “I love you and I’m on your side.” Your relationships take work. However, living in the now makes it easier to strengthen your bond and build the relationship you’ve always dreamed of.

 

 

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