Working Moms

Boundaries

Published on by Lyn Bailey

 

 

  • Setting Boundaries

  • If you have difficulty putting your own needs above those of others, you no doubt have issues with setting personal boundaries. Many of us struggle with this today. It seems more than ever before that people seem to be happy to let others pick up their slack or avoid taking responsibility for themselves and their actions.What this means, to those of us who lack firm boundaries, is that we are the ones who take responsibility for others and pick up the slack. It is up to each of us to determine what we are comfortable doing in any relationship so that we stop feeling manipulated and can enjoy our lives.

  • Do You Need Stronger Personal Boundaries?

  • How do you know if you could use a shoring up of your boundaries?
  • Answer these questions to find out:Do you believe your happiness depends on others?
    • Are you unable to say no, even when you want to?
    • Do you feel responsible for other people’s feelings?
    • Are you more concerned with what others think of you than what you think of yourself?
    • Do you feel constantly drained by all you have to do?
    • Do you always go only with what other people want instead of voicing your desires? Maybe because it’s simpler like that or because you are afraid of making someone angry?
  • If you recognize yourself in many of these questions, fear not! Next, we are going to discover how to set healthy personal boundaries and provide ways you can get started creating yours today.

  • Healthy Personal Boundaries

  • What is a healthy personal boundary? You deserve to choose to say no to taking on others’ responsibilities and choosing how you spend your time. Setting healthy personal boundaries isn’t about barricading yourself behind a wall, so you don’t get hurt, it’s about respecting yourself enough to admit what you want and demand it from others in your life.
  • Setting strong personal boundaries is an absolute must on your journey to making yourself a priority in your own life. Building healthy boundaries is one of the best ways you can put yourself and your needs first. They protect you from being taken advantage of, of being a doormat.
  • Personal boundaries also teach others how to treat you—with respect and care. Your boundaries should stay firm and clear, though you can choose in what situations to allow them to be flexible. They aid you in discovering your true self and making sure you live life on your terms. They develop your self-awareness and self-respect.

  • Steps to Setting Healthy Personal Boundaries

  • Now that you understand what boundaries are and you know yours should be stronger, let’s look at the steps to begin setting yours today. It’s important to realize and remember that setting boundaries is not a one-time deal. This process is learned, and everyone can do it!
  • Understand Yourself
  • The first thing you need to do is decide how you want to be treated by others. One excellent way to begin this journey of self-discovery is to start a journal.
  • Clarify your Values
  • When we focus on other people’s needs and wants only, we stop spending time on ourselves to discover what we want and need. Now’s the time to change that!
  • You may want to clarify what you value in your life, what you want more of in your life, what are your deepest desires? Once you know what you desire and value in life, you’ll be able to use those to make decisions about how you spend your time and energy. Anything that doesn’t align with them will get an automatic, no thanks.
  • Choose Your Company
  • Just because you’ve always eaten lunch with a co-worker or been friends with someone for years doesn’t mean you have to continue. Now that you are more aware of what you want, it’s a great time to re-evaluate who you spend time with and who your friends are. Choose to enjoy time with people who respect your boundaries and who are positive and supportive.
  • Pause
  • When someone asks you to take care of something or attend a function, you should pause before you answer. Say you’ll have to check your calendar and get back to them. That will give you the time and space to decide if it’s something you genuinely want to take part in or not.
  • Accept the Process
  • Because making yourself a priority and putting boundaries in place is a process you must accept that you won’t always deal with situations correctly. There will be slip ups! Learn from each experience and keep going. Be kind to yourself and accept that all journeys have their ups and downs.
  • Feel into your Body
  • When a situation occurs, or you are asked to take on a new responsibility, check in with your body. How do you feel within yourself? Do you feel relaxed? Are you naturally smiling? Or, are your shoulders tight? Is your stomach queasy? Get to know how your emotions show up in your body.
  •  Beware the Vampires
  • Now that you know you can use your body as a reaction gage begin noticing how it feels around different people. We all have to deal with the occasional energy vampire—a person who drains you of energy just by being around them. Using your body as your guide, notice who saps your energy and then find ways to weed them out of your life. You’ll be much happier without them.
  •  Resist the Urge to Fix
  • Have you ever noticed how many people come to you to vent their frustration and anger or ask for advice or help? It will take some practice, but resist the urge to fix their lives for them. Instead, show compassion and empathy.
  • Embrace Flexibility
  • Just because you have set personal boundaries doesn’t mean you have to say a firm no to everything. Each situation is a bit different. You may find as time goes on you want to alter your boundaries. That’s perfectly normal. Your new motto should be “If it feels right, do it.”

  • Tips for Stating Your Boundaries

  •  Creating and maintaining your limits is a process that will become easier the more you practice.
  • Don’t worry. We aren’t going to leave you to your own devices on how to go about standing up for yourself! You may be worried that putting boundaries in place will turn you into a selfish, harsh person. But trust us when we say that there are ways to do this that are kind and gentle. Below are some suggestions to stand up for yourself without feeling like a monster.Stating your boundaries isn’t a commentary. Don’t give into the feeling that you need to explain or defend your decision. The other person doesn’t have the right to judge or comment on your decision.
    • If someone starts to beg or argue with you after you set a boundary, simply restate your original explanation and end the conversation. Be firm, but courteous.
    • Use unassuming, direct language when standing your ground. Don’t give excuses or explain why you’ve come to this decision. You only need to state your answer or choice.
    • If you have judgmental people in your life, start drawing attention to your needs by telling them that it’s not okay with you for them to criticize.
    • Remember, pausing before agreeing to something is your new best friend.
    • If someone is offended or angered by your new boundaries, keep in mind that is their issue. When you start to stand your ground, they won’t like it. But don’t back down! Soon they’ll be someone else’s problem.
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You Matter

Published on by Lyn Bailey

You Matter

We spend our days rushing from one task to another at work and home only to drop into our beds at midnight, completely exhausted. Our society has changed a great deal since our parents were in their prime. Today we are addicted to speed, see busyness as a status symbol, take care of not only our children, but also our aging parent, and work as many hours as possible to keep ahead of the Jones’. It’s no wonder most of us ignore ourselves and our needs. It seems like there’s simply not the time to do more than grab food on the go and snag a few hours of sleep before starting it all again.

 

Have you ever stopped to wonder if this is the way you want to live? We somehow find it easier to make time for other people’s needs than we do our own. And, those who do make it a priority to find time for themselves, are considered selfish and self-centered. Since we certainly don’t want others to view us in that way, we soldier on, pushing through instead. Whereas what we need to do is to take a break so that we can take care of ourselves and our energy. Everyone deserves to thrive in life, not just survive one day to the next!

 

Of course, it’s easier to say we’ll start putting ourselves first than it is to do. With all the time pressures we feel, self-care can feel like just one more thing on our to-do list. However, it’s vital to our physical and mental health to start making ourselves a priority! It’s not just a nice idea. It’s not about taking a yearly vacation (if we’re lucky). It’s not even about taking the occasional trip to the day spa or enjoying a day on the golf course. Choosing to put yourself first needs to be an ongoing, daily habit.

 

Why is putting our own needs first so vital to health, happiness, and success?

 

  • It staves off burn-out
  • It sets you up to live a fulfilled, joyful life
  • It keeps you focused on what’s important
  • It helps you refocus when you feel overwhelmed or at a loss as to what should come next
  • It aids in recuperating from stress so that it doesn’t build up

 

If you would like to begin making yourself a priority, but don’t know where to start, you are in the right place. Download your FREE Choose You Checklist HERE.  By the time you put some of these suggestions into practice, you’ll not only acknowledge that putting yourself is worth the effort, but you’ll know how to make it happen! You’ll be totally on board and moving towards living a reality where self-care and filling your cup first isn’t a reward, but a necessity.

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How Clutter is Impacting Your Life!

Published on by Lyn Bailey
     

How Clutter Is Impacting Your Life!

 

You’ve seen the social media memes that suggest clutter is good because it’s a sign of creativity. For a few minutes, the memes make you smile and let you know that you aren’t the only person with a clutter problem. However, the truth is that clutter is not a sign of creativity or of productivity. It’s a sign of disorganization, procrastination, lack of control, and sometimes a lack of value or respect. Clutter can even cause problems you may not even be aware of. 

 

Maybe you think it’s just not that bad, it’s just a little clutter, and a little messy but it’s not hurting anything. The fact is that clutter can wreak havoc with your physical, mental, and financial health. 

 

Increases Mental Problems 

The clutter and disorganization around you are ruining your focus. It becomes hard to concentrate due to having to deal with the mess and thoughts that are continually popping up interrupting your flow. The exciting thing is that science is discovering that in some cases the clutter came before the mental illness. This means that there may be a cure.

 

Induces anxiety – Obsessions with the Past – Clutter is closely tied to an inability to let go of the past. 

 

Risk of becoming a Hoarder – While not all people who have clutter become hoarders, it can happen. 

 

Chicken or Egg – People with lots of clutter physically also have lots of clutter mentally that makes life, in general, feel messy and out of control. Usually when the clutter is cleared their outlook improves, and their mind becomes clearer. 



Ruins Your Diet 

When the house is dirty, the car is a wreck, and you’re running on fumes, it’s not shocking that you’re not making good food choices. It seems too hard to plan grocery shopping, cooking time, and so forth when it’s all so cluttered that you cannot find your kitchen table and your oven is full of dirty dishes.

 

  • Junk & Fast Food Seems Easy to Grab

  • Stress Hormones Make You Hungry

  • Guilt Makes You Do Unhealthy Things

  • Guilty feelings for not doing a good enough job taking care of your home and office clutter can cause you to stuff your feelings with eating

 

Causes Respiratory Issues 

Dust mites cause allergies and illness. 

 

Is Not Safe 

One of the saddest and most preventable injuries among the elderly and those who live alone is falling. Most falling can be prevented if you keep the paths clear and clutter free. Collections of papers stored in rooms, attics, and crawl spaces create severe fire hazards. 

 

Weakens Relationships 

The clutter, whether it’s mental clutter or physical clutter can get in the way of experiencing true downtime and relaxation with the people in your life. Living in chaos, the mood level in the home will not be positive. The negativity will cause every relationship to suffer. Is it time for a family meeting? 

 

Decreases Productivity 

If you have to do an hour of reorganizing just to get something done, the clutter will contribute to procrastination, causing your productivity level to dwindle to nothing.

 

Inability to Meet Deadlines – If you cannot find things, it can be hard to meet your deadlines. If you cannot meet deadlines, it can adversely affect your business or career. 

 

Lack of Motivation – Even just walking in a room and seeing the clutter can be demotivating. All the things bombard your mind and cause confusion

 

Can’t Find Stuff – One of the most significant factors in reduced productivity is just not being able to find stuff. If you cannot find your assignment, important research documents, your frying pan – whatever it is that you needed to complete a task it causes costly delays and reduces your productivity. Everyone has the same hours in a day, but it’s easy to get overwhelmed when you’ve allowed your home and/or office to get so cluttered. Clutter can really drag you down and make you feel like giving up. 

 

Encourages Bad Money Management 

Clutter can cause so much destruction if you’re not careful. You will end up spending more money on replacing “lost” items or buying something you already own because you forgot that you own it since you cannot find it. If you’re always forgetting that certain bills are due, it can be very costly to you. If you’re so cluttered in your mind and space that you cannot keep track of time, it’s likely that you’re also not balancing your bank account regularly 

 

Rebuying Things You Already Own – This is something a lot of people who have a lot of clutter end up doing. They either forget they own something and buy another one because they like it, or they go out and buy another one because they cannot find the one that they know they own.

 

Clutter is Bad for The Environment 

One of the main culprits of clutter is overconsumption. People have garages so full of stuff that they don’t use that they cannot put their cars inside. 

 

Next Step

As you can see, clutter in your environment has adverse effects on every aspect of your life. It affects your mental health and your physical safety when it decreases productivity, stresses relationships, and has a negative impact on your financial future. It even affects the physical environment due to poor or inaccurate decision-making and overconsumption.  

 

What area of your life is impacted by clutter? 

What is one action you can take today to start to clear your clutter?

 

Share in the comments below.

 
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Calm Racing Thoughts & Enjoy the Peace of the Present

Published on by Lyn Bailey

Calm Racing Thoughts & Enjoy the Peace of the Present

 

Living in the now is something that takes practice. You may struggle with being present because of racing thoughts.

People have this issue because of overthinking. There are common areas where people tend to overthink. One of these areas is money. A simple thought that you’d like to make more money can quickly turn into worrying that you may not have enough in the future. It could turn into worrying about what you’ll do if you lose your job or ability to work.

Relationships are another area where overthinking often happens. This is usually due to projecting. You don’t know what someone is thinking or feeling and it can make you second guess. You might think someone is feeling negatively toward you when they’re not even thinking about their relationship with you at all.

If you take a situation or a problem and you overthink it, you can spin it into a huge problem that seems overwhelming. Then you feel paralyzed and unable to take action. Now, racing thoughts keep you spinning your wheels and wasting time.

When you learn how to control your thoughts, you live fully present and acquire a feeling of power, as you realize what you can do. To calm racing thoughts and experience the peace of the present, you can take several steps in order to reach your goal.

First, remember to breathe. When you pause to breathe, it effectively lowers your heightened response as well as your stress. Focus on inhaling and exhaling and slowly count to three as you do so. You’ll instantly feel calmer.

Second, don’t look at situations that aren’t reality. Many people create worst-case scenarios in their mind. For example, if someone is late coming home, you might assume the worst—that your loved one was injured or in an accident. However, this thought doesn’t serve you. It only adds unnecessary stress and fear to your life.

If you realize that a thought is based only on anxiety, let it go. You might say, “I know Dave is running late. But I release my fear over it and choose to believe that everything will be fine.”

Next, don’t allow yourself to get caught up in the past either. Focus on the moment, rather than what used to be, or what could be. The only time that you have is right now. If you focus on the past, your thoughts will race about things that happened to you or how you could have done things differently.

You may also find it helpful to adopt a mantra. Having a word or phrase that you can turn to in order to refocus your attention can calm a racing mind. This could be something as simple as “Everything is fine” or “I walk in peace.”

Sometimes racing thoughts happen because you’re trying to hold on to important information. You fear what might happen if you forget to take care of something. To calm your racing thoughts, create a thought list.

Write down all the thoughts that are bothering you. Once they’re written down, you’ll discover that your thoughts are no longer racing. That’s because once you write something down, your brain believes it has dealt with the racing thoughts and will begin winding down.

You can also choose to do a calming activity when you’re struggling to be present. This might be something like playing a game, reading, writing, gardening, coloring, drawing, or listening to music. Calming activities stop racing thoughts because they change your focus from being immersed in anxiety or regret to actively doing something.

Exercise is another activity you can do that will calm racing thoughts. As you exercise, endorphins flood the body. This boosts your mood and can help you get fear or worry back under control. For the best results, choose a low-impact exercise that will calm you. For example, you might choose a slow walk around your neighborhood or a series of gentle yoga poses.

Change your sounds can also have a profound impact on bringing you into the present moment. Listen to the birds outside your window or put on some nature music. You could turn on a white noise machine or listen to instrumental music as well.

 

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How to Become Aware of the Current Moment

Published on by Lyn Bailey

How to Become Aware of the Current Moment

Learning how to become aware of the current moment is one of the best ways that you can live in the present.

Begin by tuning in to your body. You can do this by understanding how to connect with your body. Breathe in and pay attention to how the air fills your lungs. Then slowly release the air. Notice how the oxygen makes your lungs feel as you inhale, then again as you exhale. Then focus on the top of your head and move down or begin at your toes and move up as you focus on your body. During these body moments, you want to be aware of your breathing and posture.

Listen in to how your body feels in each area. Pay attention to assess whether there is something that you need to address. Sometimes, you can get so busy in life that you miss important things your body is trying to tell you. Perform a mental body scan to help you become aware of the present.

You can also check in with yourself as soon as you’re awake. Do this by taking a few minutes to write down whatever it is that flows into your consciousness. There’s no page count to reach or no limit to be had. You just write down your thoughts and your feelings. These short writing bursts can put your day into focus, as well as how you’re feeling at the moment.  Writing down what’s going on in your mind helps to clear away the cobwebs, determine your focus, and helps you prepare for the day. It doesn’t matter if you skip from thought to thought. There’s no grade to be had here. You can write one word, one sentence or several pages. This is simply tuning in to your mind at the beginning of your day just like you tuned in to your body.

Another way to stay present is to meditate as you’re going through your day. When you meditate on your day—on each task or action—it helps you to stay in the now regardless of whatever it is that you’re doing. To do this, just stop and take three deep breaths as you concentrate on the task or action you are doing at the moment.

This practice helps you to keep your attention trained on the current moment rather than thinking about what happened yesterday or turning your focus to what you need to do tomorrow.

Take a second to see yourself as you’re going through your day. Visualize your steps. This works to keep your focus on what you need to do rather than allowing yourself to become distracted by other things.

When your day is over, pause to reflect about the moments that you were fully present. Think about how you felt physically and how you felt emotionally. The purpose for this brief exercise is it helps you to become more aware of the attention you gave the present. It allows you to finish the day on a moment of reflection and gratitude.

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Why It’s So Hard to Be Present

Published on by Lyn Bailey

Why It’s So Hard to Be Present

 

Being present can be difficult to achieve because doing so can trigger feelings of discomfort. The discomfort comes from thinking you must be completely within the present without slipping up.

When something does happen to shake your focus, it can make you feel like you’ve failed to achieve living in the now. However, being present isn’t something that has a success or failure scorecard. It’s simply learning how to pick up on the situations when you’re not practicing living in the moment and gently course correcting.

It can be hard to be in the present because you might get caught up in the mundane. There’s nothing peaceful about the stresses of life. When the dishwasher floods or the car breaks down, it can be easy to start daydreaming, rather than focusing on what’s currently going on in your life.

Living in the present is something that can take practice. It’s easy to fall back into bad habits. You can find yourself handling life the way you’ve always done. Your habits are your “go-to” response and your brain can automatically fall back into those thought processes.

When this happens and you realize that your mind and your reactions are opposite of living in the now, you can always hit reset. Just because you think you blew it doesn’t mean that you did.

Everyone will have times when they forget to focus, especially when life gets hectic. However, as soon as you’re aware that’s happening, you can pause and start fresh.

It can be hard to be present when you’re in the middle of something that’s stressing you out or making you angry or sad. This is totally normal. It’s common to have difficulty concentrating or focusing when you’re in the middle of a crisis.

That’s why you want to focus on learning to “live in the now” even if your life seems peaceful and calm at this moment. Then when difficult things happen, you’ll be able to maintain your peacefulness because you’ve spent time practicing.

Some people struggle to be present because they fear living in the moment means they’re going to be handing over control. Sometimes, it’s easier to think that if you worry about something or fret over it; you can prevent bad things from happening simply because you pre-worried.

However, living fully in the moment isn’t about giving up control. It’s about focusing your awareness so that you don’t waste valuable energy worrying about what has happened or what might happen. Instead, you’re experiencing fullness of life exactly where you are.

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How Living in the Now Leads to Inner Peace

Published on by Lyn Bailey

Peace is something that many people are missing in their lives. You don’t have to live that way. When you live in the now, it can lead to inner peace. You can find the calm that you’re looking for.

Start by dialing it back. You don’t have to be everything to everyone. You don’t have to be available all the time and you don’t have to let social media rule your day. Give yourself limits to how much time you’ll give things or people that drain you.

Next, make a date with relaxation. This might mean listening to music, using visualization, or meditation. It might mean taking off for an afternoon to do nothing but just relax.

While you’re at it, don’t use a wide-angle view of your life. When you look at everything at once, it can create inner panic. This can happen with both bad things or good things.

Ask yourself how important the situation is on a scale of one to ten. Then ask yourself if what’s happening will still be important to you a year down the road. This will help you keep your perspective, no matter what happens.

Another way to find inner peace is to stop rushing. When you’re in a hurry, it affects your outlook and creates stress. Take your time as you go through your day. Be present when you eat, laugh, and love. When you stop the rush, you’ll find that inner peace blooms.

Next, beware of the things that own you. When you have too much stuff, you waste your peace trying to take care of it and you end up letting your things encroach your space. When your home or office is filled with things that nag at your mind, it creates mental chaos and steals peace. Let go of things you don’t need or want.

If you struggle to release an object, consider taking a photo of it. Then you can keep the photo but let go of the object. Remind yourself as you do this that you’re giving a second life to the object by passing it on to someone else to be loved and cared for.

The final way to keep your inner peace is to focus on a “this moment” mantra in your mind. When thoughts about what you should do in the future crop up and you get that tight feeling in your stomach, say to yourself, “I only have to deal with this moment.”

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How to Become More Resilient

Published on by Lyn Bailey

How to Become More Resiliant

The first way to become resilient is through mindfulness. It is refusing to see a problem as unending. When problems or negative situations occur in your life, don’t fall into the trap of believing that they’re going to last forever. This lets a hopeless mindset develop. See them as challenges, as opportunity to change. This opens up your mind to possibilities, endless possibilities.

When you have problems, they can sometimes interfere with your life plans or impede your goals. However, you shouldn’t give up and quit going after what you want. If you do that, you’re effectively saying that your problems are bigger than your ability to overcome them. Your fear of change will increase. See it as a challenge and you can move mountains, one step at a time.

Develop the mindset of “this is temporary.” List ways or action steps that you can take to overcome the situation. Next, embrace change. If there’s one guarantee in life, it’s that no two days are the same.

You might have to move from your home of 10 years because of a partner’s job change. Don’t feel disappointed about having to move house. Look at it as an opportunity to start something new and embrace the change. You never know what opportunities may open up for you.

The third way to become resilient is to refuse to sit still. When you want something in life or you have a dream, don’t allow inaction to take it from you. Every day, do something that takes you closer to achieving your goal.

If your goal is to own your own business, this might be something like signing up for a business class or writing out a business plan. If you want to get healthier, it could be something simple such as getting rid of the food in your house that causes you to binge eat.

The next thing you should do is make decisions sooner rather than later. Avoidance doesn’t solve issues and it doesn’t get you where you need to be. If there’s a relationship issue you need to handle, do it. If you’re interested in talking to someone, make a move and speak up.

While you’re making decisions, resolve to change your self-view. Many people think far less of themselves than they should. You downplay your accomplishments. You look at the negative things about yourself by thinking you’re too awkward, too big, or too small.

You don’t like the way you look, the way your voice sounds. However, by learning how to think of yours

elf in a positive way, you bolster not only your self-esteem but your belief that you can achieve whatever you set your mind to.

Finally, negative things happen, look for the positive. There’s always something good to find about everything that happens. However, the problem is that most people focus on the negative and then miss the good. That’s not to say that everything that comes into your life will feel good but it can work out for your good.

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Why Living in the Now Makes You More Resilient

Published on by Lyn Bailey

Why Living in the Now Makes You More Resilient

Living in the now stops the mental chatter that consistently goes on in your mind. This chatter is what keeps you thinking about what happened yesterday, what’s going to go on at work tomorrow and all the hundred and one responsibilities you have on your plate.

When you’re fully present, the things that you do right now become your goal rather than being the destination. For example, this could be something like learning to play a new instrument. You spend time enjoying the practice and the art of learning rather than focusing your attention on the complex song that you want to be able to play once you learn the instrument.

You’ll learn to eat less but enjoy more. When you feel the strong desire to go and get a snack or you want something you know isn’t good for you, living in the now helps you to overcome these cravings.

It does this because you realize all you have to make it through is this moment. You don’t have to worry about what you’re going to do for tomorrow’s mid-morning junk food hunger pangs.

Each little moment of the new becomes its own success story. That empowers you and makes you more resilient so you’re able to handle the next difficulty that arises.

If you have a goal to lose weight, living in the now helps you not to focus on the entire twenty pounds. Instead, you can focus on losing what you can today, one pound at a time. You keep your attention on what you’re eating now, what exercises you’re doing today. You don’t worry about how you’re going to beat a future plateau. Mindfulness allows you to enjoy what you eat, to feel the texture, to appreciate the aroma and to delight in the taste. You enjoy your food more when you live in the now.

Change becomes easier. Just focus on one little change at a time. In the end, the little changes add up to successfully reaching your goal. Living in the now helps you stay in control. It also helps you overcome self-defeating thoughts and habits such as drinking too much, smoking, skipping sleep, or skipping meals.

Taking care of yourself becomes more doable when you’re living in the now. You can concentrate on one healthy action at a time. Eating a healthy snack, going to bed earlier, or walking around the block today are good examples.

You don’t have to concentrate on making sure you get to the gym every single day of the week. All you have to put your focus on is working out today. You don’t even have to focus on making sure you exercise for thirty minutes. You just complete whatever exercise you’re doing during the moment.

Reaching your goals will become easier. You’ll be able to make your plans by focusing on which step you have to do right now. You don’t have to have all the answers today. You simply need the first step. That first step is what leads you to being able to handle whatever it is you want to do in life.

This will help you stop feeling overwhelmed with large projects. Instead, you’ll choose to look at the small steps and accomplish those, which become a completed project.

As you develop this resilience, you can quickly learn how to understand yourself. This helps you to stop living with stress or worry or anxiety about situations.

When you feel upset about something, take a moment to focus on yourself. If you feel dread or fear, take a deep breath and allow your subconscious to come to the forefront of your mind. You’ll be able to connect the emotion with the thought that was used to create it.

For example, you may realize that you felt dread after hearing your partner mention that layoffs were happening at his or her place of employment. When you focus on connecting that information with the present emotion and physical reaction, it’ll help you to see that your dread isn’t permanent.

By addressing it, you’ll be able to let it go rather than allow the dread to continue to build to the point where you feel fearful about your future.

Let resilience improve the moments in your life. When you live in the now, it can help you to become more aware of what you’re doing that could have a negative effect. For example, hitting the snooze button repeatedly can cause you to sleep in, wake feeling groggy, and leave you rushing around in the morning in order to get to your job or school.

By being mindful, you’re aware of the value of your time. You become aware of how one moment affects the next.

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How Living in the Now Strengthens Your Relationships

Published on by Lyn Bailey

How Living in the Now Strengthens Your Relationships

 

Everyone wants to have healthy strong relationships but not many people know that living in the now is exactly how you develop those types of relationships. It’s all about what you choose to focus on in the relationship that makes all the difference in the world.

Being fully present lets you look at the foundation of your relationships and allows you to be nurturing rather than wasting time and effort trying to fix what you believe is wrong with the other person. When you’re living in the now, you develop a deeper level of kindness and connection toward the other person.

Rather than rehashing and reacting to what you perceive are flaws—or even what irritates you about the other person—living in the now lets you become accepting. When you accept other people as they are, they tend not to be as defensive. Their guard is lowered and true bonds can be formed. You’ll be able to grow within the relationship. As a result, you can change the tone of the interactions you have with those you care about. When you live in the present, you have relationships where love and honesty are at the forefront. This allows the relationship to flourish. So if you’re ready to nurture your relationships, here’s what you can do to strengthen your bond today…

Practice paying attention.

When the other person is speaking, give them your full focus. When you multitask as someone is talking to you, it makes them feel like they’re not important enough for your full attention. By giving half of your attention away when someone else needs you to be present, you’re robbing yourself and them of the full benefit and enjoyment of your relationship. However, when you pay attention, you’re living in the moment. This deepens the level of the relationship and allows you to feel closer to the other person.

Check your emotions by being in the present.

When you’re in the present, you’re not allowing the emotions from the past to interfere with your relationship. Constantly holding onto things that bothered you then allowing those things to remain in your thoughts or to come out during an argument can erode the relationship over time. Your emotions become heightened when you carry past baggage into the present. You end up saying things that you may not truly mean. This happens because you’re not speaking with present emotions but with past ones. Checking your emotions allows you to break the circle of constantly fighting over the same things.

Teach yourself.

Use living in the moment to guide you on how to deal with relationships now. Look for self-teaching moments. This is when you stop and check in with yourself. Ask what the best way is to handle the situation. Look to see if you reacted emotionally and created friction rather than acted mindfully and created peace. What checking yourself does is boost the strength of the relationship. You’re not busy looking at what the other person is doing. Instead, you’re focusing on what your responsibility is. Being mindful enables you to control and manage your feelings and actions. It also means you don’t have to be in control of the outcome of the relationship. You’re free to let it evolve. In the end, the only person you’re capable of changing or improving is yourself. When you focus on strengthening the relationship, it lets the other person “off the hook.” Taking off that pressure prompts others to feel better and react differently toward you.

Create the future you want.

When you behave mindfully in any relationship, it shapes how it will be in the future. Many people have hopes of loving, fulfilling, relationships but don’t realize that today’s behaviors and words create that. If you want love and peace, you have to plant and cultivate those seeds.

Let go of your expectations.

Living in the moment makes you let other people off the hook. People won’t follow the script that you have in your head. They won’t react as kindly or as romantically as you had hoped and sometimes, this can be painful. When you keep your focus on the now, it lets you see past the surface of that person’s response. You’ll develop empathy and realize that the other person is under stress or they’re worried or something is going on that has absolutely nothing to do with you. Being mindful allows you to take a step back to see the truth.

Own up to what’s happening.

Living in the now helps you to deal with whatever issues are going on in a relationship rather than ducking it. Every relationship has flaws because humans have flaws. Some flaws can be so big that if not dealt with, it can wreck the relationship. You can strengthen it by approaching the other person with your feelings now. This helps you not to lay blame and use words that are guaranteed to make the other person defensive like “You always” which is accusatory. Instead, living in the now will help you to address other person calmly. You’ll be able to change the tone by saying, “Right now, I feel let down,” and that enables the conversation to start and the situation to be resolved.

Set your intention each day.

Let mindfulness make you more forgiving toward those in your life that you care about. When you get up each morning, think of two things that you can do to help the relationship grow closer. This might be two acts of kindness such as leaving a caring voicemail, writing a note or simply saying, “I love you and I’m on your side.” Your relationships take work. However, living in the now makes it easier to strengthen your bond and build the relationship you’ve always dreamed of.

 

 

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