When we have been hurt, it’s very easy to feel that life is not fair. I remember when my marriage broke up after 34 years, I felt a lot of hurt, emotional pain and resentment after my husband left me for another woman. It took me a long time to get over these feelings. Eventually, I started to realise that I was 100% responsible for how I felt, which meant I had a choice in any given moment. I could choose to feel the hurt and pain, or I could choose to feel grateful for the 34 years we had shared, and, specifically, grateful for the 4 beautiful children we had brought into the world and the joy I feel every day being a mum.

It made me realise that all I needed to do was to nurture my own personal freedom, rather than letting someone else have control over that freedom.

If you want to take back control over your freedom, here are 12 tips to get you started.

12 Tips for Nurturing Your Personal Freedom

There’s a lot of pressure to conform to society’s definition of success. Right from school, you hear that there is pretty much one path. A good job, a one-way upwards career trajectory, a family, big house, lots of money. But your personal freedom doesn’t get mentioned. Nor does inner peace. But you don’t have to step too far outside your regular life to allow space for greater contentment, and freedom from the anxieties and pressures of modern life.

There are some key things you can do right now to nurture your personal freedom and achieve greater contentment with your life.

1. Let go of past hurts and sufferings, acknowledging what you have learned along the way.
2. Believe in your heart that you deserve love and good things in your life and that you wish these for the other people in your life.
3. Act kindly in your interactions with other people, whether it’s friends, family, colleagues or the person you walk past in the street. People will remember how you treated them long after they have forgotten your words.
4. Be kind to yourself and acknowledge that you mostly do the best you can. And when you make a mistake, you learn from it and do better.
5. Acknowledge that you have control only over your actions and reactions. You can’t control other people, but you can control how you respond to them.
6. Own your past mistakes but do not let them define you.
7. Be at peace with change and accept that it is part of the ebb and flow of life.
8. Set goals to achieve what you want out of life but be flexible and prepared to adapt to changing circumstances.
9. Don’t compare your life to others, especially as they present themselves on social media. People always display their best sides and rarely acknowledge weakness or when things are going badly.
10. Choose to be compassionate. Most people are trying to do their best most of the time.
11. Be grateful for where you are, and what you have right now. Don’t get caught up in a dissatisfaction loop where the other guy’s life looks better. Chances are you are already living an abundant life.
12. Learn to relax and allow things to be, rather than try to second guess all the time. Adopt the Buddhist philosophy of detachment, breathe, and let go of anxiety. Allow and trust that the Universe will give you what you need.